Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
