she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
