so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
it's like iHOP with fire
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
