At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
