Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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