I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Less talking, more tequila
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
being pregnant is like rehab
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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