There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
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I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
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You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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