There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
