What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Randomize
