if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
