I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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