Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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