I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
