i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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