I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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