If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
