Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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