I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
