dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
