RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
