i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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