I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Randomize
