If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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