Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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