When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
