I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
