Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
