Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
