hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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