I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
