I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
