the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
