I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
