If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
All the doctor said was why
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
