I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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