I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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