I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
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Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
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Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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