We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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