Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
