walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Come share oat with me in your robe
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends