A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.