i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
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No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
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Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.