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he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
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