Texts From Last Night

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  (719): View more from Colorado

  I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...

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  (719): I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel... http://tfl.nu/j6ej
  Replies (13) Good night (2564) Bad night (576)
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  (909): View more from California

  I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.

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  (909): I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird. http://tfl.nu/n96h
  Replies (31) Good night (1087) Bad night (3889)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later

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  (706): Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later http://tfl.nu/a02r
  Replies (26) Good night (7625) Bad night (1981)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me

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  (512): it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me http://tfl.nu/0mob
  Replies (9) Good night (1016) Bad night (2983)
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  (315): View more from New York

  Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis

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  (315): Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis http://tfl.nu/8w9k
  Replies (82) Good night (11219) Bad night (1598)
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  (830): View more from Texas

  we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient

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  (830): we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient http://tfl.nu/vzth
  Replies (12) Good night (1174) Bad night (3558)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people

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  (604): You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people http://tfl.nu/m3p8
  Replies (11) Good night (3692) Bad night (1105)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties

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  (508): The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties http://tfl.nu/xmd1
  Replies (8) Good night (858) Bad night (1696)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.

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  (816): Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink. http://tfl.nu/iqnv
  Replies (3) Good night (2273) Bad night (874)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..

  (587): View more from Alberta

  Wow. We're meant to be..

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  (403): I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask.. (587): Wow. We're meant to be.. http://tfl.nu/3d3s
  Replies (13) Good night (2630) Bad night (595)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs

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  (519): The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs http://tfl.nu/wzfm
  Replies (4) Good night (1433) Bad night (599)
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  (914): View more from New York

  He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro

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  (914): He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro http://tfl.nu/3g5k
  Replies (4) Good night (1167) Bad night (371)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?

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  (724): On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone? http://tfl.nu/9ka9
  Replies (4) Good night (555) Bad night (260)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.

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  (302): On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better. http://tfl.nu/rs0b
  Replies (8) Good night (1094) Bad night (236)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me

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  (+44): Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me http://tfl.nu/vnu7
  Replies (1) Good night (219) Bad night (344)

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