Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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