We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
