Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
