does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
