Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
