she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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