Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I understand Curling. That high.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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