I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Slut skills are useful in every country.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
