I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
