Redeem this text for a blowjob
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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