Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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