At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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