Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Buhtt sex?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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