Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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