It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
