I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
