My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
