Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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