You can't motorboat a personality
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
