So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
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Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
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I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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