how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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