found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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