this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
