I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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