i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
