Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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