Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
