She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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