Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
