look no pants
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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