she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
