theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
