i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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