The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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