he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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