This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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