Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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