That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Randomize
