i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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