at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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