I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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