Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I need a burrito and a hug.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
