so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
