I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
