I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
